Since completing six weeks of sexual-addiction treatment last spring, Joe, a South Shore resident, has broken two vows he made to control his addiction to sex: no pornography and no masturbation. The periodic lapses, he fears, are going to cost him.

JOE

• Married salesman in his mid-50s
• Fears losing his job because of porn addiction
• Completed a six-week treatment program last spring
• Since treatment he has broken his vows to avoid porn and masturbation

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In his wallet, Joe keeps a list of 12 off-limit acts. Cheating on his wife and staring at a woman for more than 3 seconds are two, both of which he’s done.

Even since completing six weeks of sexual-addiction treatment last spring, he has broken two vows: no pornography and no masturbation. The periodic lapses, he fears, are going to cost him.

“The thing is, I’ll lose my job,” Joe, a salesman for 25 years, says flatly.

He installed pornography filters on his home computers and television. But his work laptop - he isn’t permitted to install filters - presents a constant temptation, and he falters at times.

“I work for a very large company,” says Joe, whose last name is being withheld to protect his privacy. “I’m sure they can see what’s going on.”

Looking back a year, Joe, who lives in an upscale South Shore community, says his present slip-ups are minimal by comparison.

Many days last year, Joe would find a private place at work and spend all day looking at porn. When he did make appointments, it was to line up rendezvous at bathhouses or hotels with men and women he met online.

His earnings in his 100-percent commission job plummeted. Add $17,000 for treatment, and his family remains deeply in debt.

In treatment, Joe confessed everything to his wife. That he cruised highway rest areas to have casual gay sex. That he lined up men by e-mail to “gang bang” willing women. That he has looked at child pornography and “peeped” on strangers.

His wife now suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. Joe fears she will eventually leave him.

For a long time, Joe felt his pornography use was a victimless aspect of his addiction. Now, he said he realizes he neglected his family while online for hours each day.

Like his teenage son.

“I’ll be down in five minutes to play ball,” Joe recalls saying. “Almost ready, almost there. Two hours later it’s dark outside.”

Explaining why he agreed to speak with a reporter, Joe said he hopes his story might show others battling similar urges that lapses in willpower don't have to mean a broken will.

“I’m still in it, I’m still fighting it, and I’m not giving up,” he says.

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