DAVID

• Single. Computer software professional in his 40s.
• Porn dependence began in high school, became an obsession in college.
• His habit started with magazines, then he turned to video, and finally, the Internet.
• Says addiction has played a role in his relationships.

A computer software professional in his early 40s, David says his dependence on pornography began during high school. Today, he still battles the addiction.

In many ways, years of isolated fantasizing over pornography prevented David’s biggest fantasy: finding love. A computer software professional in his early 40s, David says his dependence on pornography began during his lonely high school years, when he had few friends and no girlfriends.

Today, David takes medication for depression, sees a therapist and attends Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings. His last relapse - a weeklong porn binge - was a year ago.

David says using pornography to fantasize developed into a daily ritual for escaping his insecurities and unhappiness.

The habit became obsessive in college.

He memorized which day the latest Penthouse would hit newsstands and which days his roommate had morning classes. He prized particular photo spreads.

“I’d count the number of pages and the number of pictures,” David says. “I’d think, If I miss a month, I might miss the best one. ...”

By his 13th birthday, he was spending hundreds of dollars in twice-a-year splurges on hardcore pornography videos. He turned to the Internet later.

He began dating a woman around that time, but was disappointed to find his first steady sexual relationship did not cure his obsession for pornography. Instead, he had trouble with intimacy and was distant.

“Having a relationship with someone takes effort,” David said. “Using pornography ... doesn’t.”

His girlfriend ended the relationship seven months later after confronting him about his habit.

“She didn’t discover pornography,” he says. “She was just smart enough; my behaviors clued her in.”

Things got worse.

At work, David planned which videos he would watch when he got home.

“I was never with my friends because this is what I was doing with my spare time,” he said.

David’s group therapy sponsor tracks his online movements using accountability software. Having someone to answer to helps.

After years of pornography addiction, even willpower isn’t a cure-all.

“I still remember images in my brain, like it’s been seared there,” he says. “They’re still there to fantasize about.”

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